my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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