At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And then he peed in my hair
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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