9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
