Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
