Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize