just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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