having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
