Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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