dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
