that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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