I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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