how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
