You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
