you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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