i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
