I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
