and she was petting her beer can
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
