drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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