I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She bit a glass in half.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
