Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
