Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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