4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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