so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Don't EVER smell your tampon
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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