weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
