I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
