I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
