your parents love me but you hate me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
