Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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