loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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