This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
