We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
