Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
