y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
