Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize