____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize