she woke up with a sticky ear
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
