she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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