i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
