Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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