tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
