Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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