That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
