She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
