Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
