she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
