there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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