I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
