I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
