he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
