even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
