In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
