why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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