addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
