she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
