I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
