It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
