I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
