This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
