Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
