Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
