Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
