in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
