remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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