Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
