I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
