I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
