last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
