I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
