nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
