so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Panties = found
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
