He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
